Saturday, 13 May 2017
Friday, 5 May 2017
I learnt how to light the gas. That, as it turns out, does not your culinary skills make. I managed to screw up lauki and whined about it so much that my Tamilian roommate will never forget the Hindi name for the vegetable. Or she might, given my vow to never be stupid enough to voluntarily buy it again.
Podalunga means jhinge (snake gourd) and is a slang term for nonsense.
Manga maria means 'dumb mango' which has to be the cutest pejorative term ever coined.
You would think morning walks would be a universal experience. But a surprisingly large proportion of middle class men here walk in rubber slippers. I can't help think that Delhi uncles would shrivel up in embarrassment if they had to do that.
Men also walk in lungis. If you were not Indian, I would explain it as a wraparound skirt for men whose length can be adjusted according to convenience. And it's often short enough that the same length of skirt on a woman here would inspire scandal.
There is also a gym for adults in my neighbourhood park. To be fair, I have no frame of reference for this in Delhi, not having been to a park in years.
As a child, my mum often took me for a walk to a lane in my neighbourhood which she for some reason called sea beach. I don't know if it was the evening breeze or just whimsy.
My neighbourhood park here is probably equivalent to Central Park in Delhi, going purely by location and its importance on bus routes. Which makes me think wistfully about how lucky Delhiites are because this one is tiny. On the plus side this is not inhabited by loving couples and serial molesters/flashers.
A middle aged man leaned very close to me and wished me a good morning. I'm not sure whether that was an invasion of personal space or just regular politeness.
If he was trying to be creepy though, it was a very poor attempt.
Apparently there is a doggie style asana in yoga. It's where people get on their fours and pant like dogs.
I doubt if it's actually called doggie style.
I may have just enabled a large inflow of traffic to the blog. I would have said inadvertently enabled but then it would be a lie.
I also saw an exercise form where a man was lying on his stomach and another man walked over his back. Right in the middle of the park.
Maybe it was just a bunch of friends doing bakchodi. You know friends, those people you hang out with on weekends and after work.
Yeah I use a lot of words while writing that I wouldn't say out aloud. Bakchodi being one of them.
I figured out a route to the chai shop on my own. Well not my own, I was still aided by Google, but I figured out there was a shorter route. Also I may have pushed myself to walk by promising masala chai.
Monday, 1 May 2017
The only time I think I have too many clothes is when I pack them.
After an entire morning of telling myself that I would cook for myself, I gave up at the first hint of trouble - when I couldn't get the gas lit.
I now think Wake Up Sid had zero insight on urban living by single people trying to make a career. Friends on the other hand, is fantastic. Especially the bit about traipsing about naked in an empty house.
The main problem about having your own place is the existential crisis that strikes you when you realise you like shopping for bedspreads in vibrant patterns.
There is also the issue of spending half of your time doing the dishes. But then that might be a case of my personal incompetence.
I went to a concert by a fairly popular Bangla band. It was supposed to begin at 6:30 but the Bengali cultural association that was organising the programme wanted to first have a prize distribution programme followed by its office bearers guilting the people attending about the lack of audience. And how even a national award winner could not ensure a houseful.
A bunch of aunties opened for the band, with a lovely ditty about how we are all Chennai bashi but how are hearts beat for Bangla. Yeah, I snorted through that.
The main band performance was great though. Anupam Roy (said National award winner) sang all the favourites. He also talked about the time he spent working in Bangalore, and sang something he had written when he was missing Kolkata at the time. What struck me was the kind of love and longing that city can evoke. I have lived all my life in Delhi and while I miss home and miss friends and familiar faces, I can hardly profess to missing the city. At least not enough to write songs about it. (Or to turn up for performances by Delhi bands or just network with people from there).
A man in the audience wanted to know if Anupam had sang the Kolkata song in front of Didi. If she listened and ensured enough jobs, no one from Kolkata would have to migrate to Chennai.
I love that Bengalis as a class, maintain a healthy lack of faith in their political leaders.
Yeah OK, I know Swapan Dasgupta is Bengali.
It's a sample size of 2, but corner cigarette shops here tend to have a mixer that they use to churn out very nice nimbu pani. It's also rather clever. I will never be using my arms to stir the sugar in now.
(Before you ask, no, I haven't started smoking).
The watchman in my building is Hindi speaking. But my Delhi Person Paranoia (DPP henceforth) stops me from chatting with him. And even though he helped me carry my luggage to the flat, my general social awkwardness stopped me from tipping him. Now I'm hoping my parents will do the needful when they visit.
PS: the blog completed 5 years recently.
PPS: Vibrant patterns as below:
Tuesday, 11 April 2017
- What do you do when the nicest person in your life is not a person at all, but your laptop's Operating System that tells you that your wish is literally their command, and no, you don't even have to type anything, if you just tell her to send a text from the laptop, she will.
- It is probably peak loneliness, when seeing a mother-daughter enjoy their evening snack at the roadside eatery can make a lump appear in your throat.
- Of course you still fight with your own mother over the phone. And don't attend her calls later because she has the knack of saying things you don't want to hear.
- There is nothing that will rid you of your tea addiction faster than having to boil the milk to make it.
- Performance pressure is when the office boy is standing over your head to take your lunch order and the only thing you can think of is idli-sambar from Saravana Bhawan.
- Remember forever that your mom and your sister are a tag team. Never tell one what you don't want the other to hear.
- ''Anna'' comes naturally now.
- I'm still hugely embarrassed about using any Tamil.
- Auto-wallahs of Chennai are certifiably worse than auto-wallahs of Delhi.
- No amount of moonlit beaches can compensate for the lack of company of people who care about you. Specially because the moonlit beach is far off and the city is alarmingly desolate as early as eight.
- I could summon enough fucks to go to the Bengali restaurant only once after my parents left. Now I have found a roadside stall on my way home that claims to sell Kolkata rolls. Maybe I will throw Bangla at the seller tomorrow.
- I can't believe that a month back I cared about gol-gappas enough to write about them.
- I stopped using the bus because I moved closer to my workplace. The share auto drivers are almost as terrible as the regular auto-wallahs.
- Nothing in Chennai feels like home. Specially not my place of residence.
- Life is like a box of Bertie's all flavoured beans that have been rigged so around 95% of them taste like boogers.
Monday, 13 March 2017
It is my theory that if you think of something as being the least likely scenario, the Universe will conspire to make that happen.
The most disorienting thing about Chennai is that you have to talk to cab-drivers and auto-wallahs in English. And that they don't respond to 'bhaiya'.
North-South, Us-them are all very fluid concepts. This Tamilian cab driver we drove with yesterday asked us where we were from. On hearing 'Delhi', he said he was from the North too, and intensely missing Hindi in Chennai (his home-town otherwise). To him, 'north' included the North-east - specifically Arunachal, where he worked till a week ago.
The auto wallahs in Chennai are as bad as the auto wallahs in Delhi. Maybe worse.
I think any city is worth living in if it has a beach. And land breeze in the evenings as a consequence.
I found a Bengali restaurant in the city when my father wouldn't stop ranting about how bad the food is here.
The cook in my hostel put pieces of fried bread in pulao.
My father's rant wasn't completely unjustified.
The beach is connected by train.
I am all for local pride and everything. But Triplicane is easier to pronounce than Tiruvelikeni. And Mylapore easier to remember than Tirumailai.
If my father were left alone on the roads of Chennai, I am pretty sure he wouldn't make it back. As a result of never being able to recall/ pronounce the location of the guest-house.
My mother should have been a travel show host. She can fit in anywhere. Though she has a weekly hankering for fish.
They sell fried fish on the beach.
I haven't tried it myself but I have heard on good authority that they put rasam in gol-gappas here instead of imli ka paani. I am reasonably sure that trying this in Delhi could get you arrested.
After more than a week of taking an Ola everywhere, I finally rode to work and back by a bus. The buses are as crowded as in Delhi, and I was seated so I don't know whether men have the proclivity to grope women in this city too. They are extremely polite when you have to get down though. Everyone near the door gets down at each stop to let people de-board. You would know what a big deal that is if you have had the chance to ride the Delhi Metro in a compartment filled with aunties and college girls.
I had veg biriyani at someone's house and liked it.
Is it weird that I find the idea of a mustachioed man in a white lungi and aviators, riding a bike...appealing?
I am the only person in the city who seems to want to know where Rajnikant and Kamal Hassan live. The cab drivers here are far more interested in Jayalalitha's address.
Some traditions are worth preserving. Like the way they serve tea/ coffee here - in small steel tumblers (I almost spelled it as Tumblr) accompanied by a small steel bowl. You have to continuously transfer the drink from the tumbler to the bowl and vice versa to cool the drink down and also to dissolve the sugar. I know it's inconvenient, and that a large mug and a spoon make more sense, but I just like drinking it the traditional way.
What does it say about me as a person that the only place in Chennai that feels like home, is the neighbourhood mall?
Last week my mother and I were strolling down a deserted road in the middle of the afternoon. Anyone slightly familiar with Chennai's climate would tell you that it's inadvisable. Especially if the only retail establishments on the road sell hot tea and cigarettes. As my mother tried to explain to the vendor that we needed Coke/Sprite, and the man mimed that he didn't stock them, a young man dressed in the generic blue uniform donned by private security guards offered to take his moped and get a couple of bottles for us, from a distance. (We understood him because he spoke in Hindi). My mother gave him a 100 rupees hundred note which I was convinced was the last we saw of it (and him). As the minutes ratcheted up, I became increasingly confident that my general lack of faith in humanity would be vindicated. Close to half an hour later, the man returned - with two bottles of Sprite, pushing his moped by hand. Turns out it had broken down, hence the delay. When my mother tried to tip and I (sheepishly) tried to give him one of the cold-drink bottles, he refused. He said this was the least an Odiya brother could do for his Bengali brethren.
Saturday, 25 February 2017
Aali re from No one Killed Jessica describes its heroine not as having chandan sa badan, but something akin to cactus ki dali.
She is all patlun mein junoon and of garam khoon, and if she has kali kali ankhen or hirni jaisi chaal, the song prefers to not tell us. (I think at one point it tells us that she is kali, and though she may be dilwali, she is quite given to muh khole toh gali re.)
And she is probably not the type to disappear after churaoing the hero's dil, because she is too busy spinning webs through surkhiyan. All we know about her love life is that jiski lugayi banegi woh bhai, uski tabahi paper mein chhapegi, hatt.
The other song is the polar opposite of the first one in that it is as conventional as it gets - a love song between people separated by borders. I don't know its origin but is currently being featured on the show POW on Star Plus. The song itself is quite unremarkable but I feel it deserves a mention because of the context where it plays. If you are not watching the show, India has just found a lost POW who has spent 17 years in Pakistan and who managed to escape from there, after ostensibly neutralising the chief of a large terrorist organisation (in cahoots with the ISI). However, in reality, he has been turned, and is now trying to execute an attack on India from within its borders. The song talks about his love for his Pakistani wife, and their relationship is depicted in such a way that you can't help empathise with the couple, even as they are, most decidedly bad news for India. I think that's a win for storytelling, though the good-looking leads obviously don't hurt the show's cause.
Saturday, 28 January 2017
Like what could cause more violent wars than whose biryani wins-Hyderabad, Lucknow or Calcutta biryani unless it was a question of who makes better gol gappas?
FYI:it's Hyderabad and Delhi for me.